Accepting Innate Idiosyncrasies
We all have people we come across who become a mirror of self-reflection. And it can be uncomfortable. Seeing what I saw and finding it distressing was sometimes a good thing. Mustering an apology for each flaw that flung strife in your direction stung like a paper cut but came with the need for growth.
Some idiosyncratic traits are innate and may never accept the need to shed the skin of change. Acceptance is a mighty and gracious tool that should always be used out of love when we need to forgive and when we have to let go.
I'm a person who chooses to let the best of myself float to the top. Who tries to accept the unacceptable within myself, if needed, packs it away, and locks it up. Some things cannot be trained away, and some cannot be dug into and weeded out, but they are always there. As long as we know that what we lock away is something God loves in us anyway, it's easier to put it down and focus on what God loves about us that we also love about ourselves.
Be a good person and strive to be better than anyone around you because if we all aspire to do that, we all become better people for the effort. But constantly being reminded about the locked away parts puts a festering ache of a reminder of imperfection and self-loathing in the forefront. Who would want to do that to another person?
There can never be a complicated conversation without going to the difficult emotional places; if that conversation needs to happen, be fair and be open to the apology you may have to give; if you gave it and it was rebuked, then hold true to yourself that you tried to do the right thing no matter how hard it was.
Acceptance and letting go goes both ways: accepting a person for who they are, then letting go, accepting yourself for who you are, forgiving yourself, and then letting go. We cannot always be the person we want to be in someone else's eyes. God made us all different for a reason; some differences are meant to be strong links in a chain, and some are intended to be chinked and repaired as a growth process.
Always remember, when we are kind to ourselves, we learn to be kind to others. Don't let anyone challenge you to the point of reaching your personal Rubicon. We all have that point of no return with a person or situation; it's sad but true. That is no place to end up. If so, turn away no matter how much it will sting; "you" don't belong there.
This was a release for me, a much needed release. I really hope that some of my thoughts and revelations move my readers in some way. God is my refuge, and as humanly flawed as I am, I know that my purpose in life is steadfast, just, in this instance there was a serious personality glitch for the both of us and it simply could not be repaired. I had to stop trying because it was hurting my health and what little peace of mind that I create in my world, and nothing is going to take that away from me. My heart hurts a little more now with what I consider a failure on my part of things. "Acceptance" over time will help that to mend, I can only pray.
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